


I Feel Like I Can't Breathe

by herondick



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27156539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herondick/pseuds/herondick
Summary: Set during Chain of Gold after Sophie learns of Barbara's death.
Relationships: Sophie Collins/Barbara Lightwood, Sophie Collins/Gideon Lightwood, gideon lightwood/barbara lightwood
Kudos: 23





	I Feel Like I Can't Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: all characters belong to Cassandra Clare.

Sophie’s world had come crashing down. The walls seemed to be coming in closer as she clutched her chest, fighting for each breath.

She knelt on the floor of her and Gideon’s bedroom, talking herself through her pain. She remembered hearing the news, “Barbara is dead.”  
Her dear daughter. The child who made her a mother and Gideon a father. She remembered Barbara’s first cry, the one that made Sophie cry from happiness at knowing she was a healthy baby. She remembered Barbara’s laughter as Gideon threw her into the air, playing with her.

Hundreds of images and memories of her daughter growing up flashed through Sophie’s mind at once. But now, there would be no more. She would never get to see Barbara get married, or become a mother herself.

Waves of grief were slamming into Sophie, pulling her down, and she felt as if she were drowning. Oh, my lovely baby girl.  
Sophie distantly heard the door to the bedroom open and close. The smell of Gideon’s cologne swept over her, and she felt a small comfort. “Oh, Sophie,” he said, running over to her to gather her up in his arms.

She wrapped her arms tight around him, clinging to his body for dear life. He was the anchor in her storm of grief, and she wouldn’t let him go. “I feel like I can’t breathe,” she whispered as violent sobs shook her slender frame. “Is she really gone?”

Sophie knew Barbara was really gone. She and Gideon had seen her dead body, but she still couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

Gideon tightened his arms around her, and she felt his body begin to tremble. “Yes,” he said, his voice sounding strangled. “She’s gone, Sophie.”

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” she said. She looked up at Gideon, not minding her tearstained and blotchy face. “Our baby girl is gone.”

Gideon let out a sob, and buried his face in Sophie’s neck. She felt his tears against her skin. “I remember-“ he stammered, stopping to catch his breath. “I remember when we found out you were pregnant. I didn’t tell you then, but I was terrified. The thought of fatherhood, of bringing another life into the world, scared me senseless. But never, not for a single moment, did I ever think of what it would be like if I lost my child.”

Sophie looked up at him through tear filled eyes. “They tell us Shadowhunters die young, and we have seen so much death and loss, but I never thought it would happen to us. To our children.”

The life of a Shadowhunter was filled with death and loss, blood and fire. Sophie supposed the horrid thought of losing her children had crossed her mind before, but there had been so much peace and quiet over the last decade. There had been times, though they were rare, the thought of being Nephilim had come second in her mind. Her life had been like a dream, filled with the love of her husband and children.

But now, her life was a nightmare, filled with grief and pain of the worst kind.

She looked up at Gideon, her eyes full of tears. “What do we do now, Gideon?” she whispered. “How do we get through this?”

He tightened his arms around her. “We hurt, and we grieve,” he said. “And then we will pick ourselves back up, and be strong for Thomas and Eugenia.”

Thomas and Eugenia, her two darlings. Yes, she had to be strong for them, and she would. But for now, for this night, she had to let herself grieve.

She snuggled in closer to Gideon, letting the tears fall again. “Can you just hold me tonight?”

He kissed her hair. “Of course, my love.” He held her close, trying desperately to shield the both of them from the harsh reality that lay ahead.

The two of them didn’t say anything else after that. They just sat on their bedroom floor in silence, clinging to each other as waves of grief washed over them.


End file.
